Closure

Well I had my scan today, so am now off all the IVF meds finally. I just have to take the pill for around a week so that I can have a withdrawl bleed and start off my own cycles again. Not that it will help at all when I don't ovulate, but at least it is an end to all that is IVF for now.

As expected, he couldn't find any specific reason for the miscarriage, just more bad luck. He doesn't think it is a problem with the embryos so still believes that we should start with another FET cycle when we go back. His opinion is that we should continue with double embryo transfers each time and he has suggested maybe adding some asprin to the mix when we do try again. Other than that, there isn't really anything that can be done except to just keep trying and hope for better luck.

I still don't have any desire to cycle again after going to the clinic, I was actually really happy to see the back of it for now. After 8 months of pretty much back to back IVF and 3 m/c in a row, it is definately time for a break. My desire for another child hasn't changed or even weakened. But I just can't keep going right now and continue to be the best Mum I can be to my son. We are going through a few major life changes at the moment so everything is a bit up in the air for us, but at this stage, I would expect that we will look at it again in around 6-12 months.

So it's goodbye from me for now.

Thankyou so very much to everyone for your support, it means more than you know. xxoo

More bleeding

The bleeding and cramping have started up again today, so I may not have to wait another week and a half for the rest of my period. I just want this bad dream to end.

New scan date

So I managed to get an earlier scan date, only 3 days earlier though. My specialist is going away o/s tomorrow until the 18th, but I have managed to get in on the day he gets back. The nurse was much more sympathetic this time thankfully, and is even moving someone to get me in earlier. And that's even with me managing to keep my tears off the phone.

Another test

Not good news this morning, I did another HPT and the line is noticibly lighter. I can't add a picture cause our laptop is in getting fixed and I'm typing this using my mobile phone, but it is definately lighter than the test done last Monday.

Not coping very well at the moment, I think because this one was so unexpected after getting such strong tests, no warning and now this makes three in a row. I'm going to give the clinic a call this morning and try to get my scan brought forward so I can get some closure.

We wont be going back now for a while, probably around 6-12 months. I need to recover emotionally and we need to recover financially. When we do go back, I will look at changing clinics. I still believe in my current specialist's high success rates, but I want to go somewhere that will do more monitoring for my own sanity -hcg and progesterone blood tests, early scans if needed etc. One that has a more sympathetic and caring nurse that I dont dread calling. I will talk to my specialist following the scan to see if he is willing to meet these needs now that I've had three m/c in a row, but I'm not expecting to have much success. But as I said, it will be a while before we need to make this decision.

No change

Just checking in, no news to report here. The bleeding still hasn't re-appeared, just the tiniest amount of spotting after this morning's pessary, then nothing at all.

I am wondering though if all the hormones I am still on are the only reason why I haven't continued to bleed. It's all just been a bit strange.

I know I probably should be demanding quantitve hcg tests, or even trying to get them from a GP, but to be honest, I'm just too tired to fight anymore. Right now, simply waiting and trying to distract myself feels like the easier option.

Update

The bleeding ended up stopping completely just after lunch yesterday. There was no more overnight either. This morning when I went to the toilet after doing my pessary, there was a small amount of dark red blood and a tiny clot when I wiped, but then I have had nothing else all day, not even spotting.

I guess there is a chance that maybe the two embyos implanted and only one has miscarried, but with amoint of blood loss yesterday and in particularly the cramping and clotting, it is hard for me to have any hope at all.

Hope lost

Bleeding has increased to heavy and bright red, cramping increased this morning until I passed a large clot. Cramping has now eased quite a bit, but I'm still bleeding quite heavily and am still passing numerous clots. Basically the same as the last two miscarriages.

I really thought that this time was different.

Bleeding

I started bleeding this morning, dark red and like a normal period - not heavy, but not spotting. Followed by very very mild cramping. I've spoken to the clinic and they have confirmed that there is nothing I can do but wait.

I did actually do another HPT first thing this morning before the bleeding started and got a line darker than the control line so I guess it's not completely over yet, but I can't help but feel very scared...