Dec 31, 2007

The Pram

Well, we did it, we bought a pram. I've found this to be probably the hardest baby item to research and decide on. There are just so many options out there and it seems very important to get the right one. We went to a couple of different large baby stores to look at the many prams on offer, as well as reading the very large section on prams of the Choice Guide to Baby Products and ended up making our purchase yesterday.

Introducing the Swallow Beema Q:
We are very happy with our decision and just love our new pram! It has every feature we wanted and was the top rating pram in the Choice guide. We also managed to pick it up at a great price, and even got a free Swallow nappy bag to match!

I am absolutely loving buying baby products, it makes the whole thing seem so much more real. The more things we buy, the more I just can't wait until the time when we meet our little one. I know that once the pregnancy part is over I will probably miss it terribly, but for now I am so excited about the day that we get to meet our baby.

Dec 27, 2007


For some reason it didn't really feel as much like Christmas this year. Not that I am complaining, it was certainly so much better than last year, when we were about to start our IVF journey. The unfortunate thing about Christmas is that it can be a painful reminder of what you have not been able to acheive that year, especially when it is to do with families. I am just so grateful that although our child has not yet joined us in the outside world, that it is at least a part of our lives now.

Maybe it was the anticipation of celebrating next year's Christmas with our child that kept us from the usual excitement of the holiday this year. Either way, it has still been a great week, just missing some of that 'magic' that I hope will return for us through our child's eyes in future years.

Our baby also recieved a first gift - a Christmas present from the future grandparents:

How surreal and wonderful to be opening a present for our child. I am just so excited about the day that we get to finally meet our little one.

One other very exciting thing that happened during the break was that I think I may have felt our baby move for the first time! On Christmas Eve, I was sitting at the shops looking at the baby monitor I had just bought when I noticed what felt like a large bubble popping inside my belly where I was leaning the packet of the monitor. I don't know for sure if it was the baby moving as I don't know what I am feeling for, but I had never felt anything like it. I felt a similar sensation later that night, then twice throughout the day on Christmas Day. One of the times I pressed down gently where I felt the movement, and I felt it again, faintly against my hand. I guess I wont know for sure if it was the baby until the movements become more obvious, but if it was then how wonderful for it to happen at such a special time of the year.

Other than that, I managed to survive the Christmas period quite well. I did miss the usual glasses of wine and Christmas ham, but it is a sacrifice well worth it for the health & safety of our baby. I even managed to get a couple of nights of sleeping through for 5 hours or more! Very unusual for me considering the trouble I have been having sleeping, as well as the middle of the night bathroom stops that still haven't eased up at all.

Dec 20, 2007

20 weeks

Halfway today!! Here is my 20 week belly pic:

Thought I'd start to do a few different shots to start to see my belly from different angles as it grows. I've also done one for a comparison - here it is with the last couple of shots:

Looks to me like it is getting more rounded and coming out more from the top. It seems to have gotten a bit bigger in the last two weeks, but I don't really know how much - I haven't gotten that feeling like I'm really popping out more again yet.

Today also marks the day when I am officially on holidays from work for Christmas - two whole weeks off! It's been a year since I have had any time off work so I'm really looking forward to it. I'm all set to get off to a great start this morning with a facial, pedicure and manicure at my favourite beauty salon, courtesy of my darling husband.

Dec 18, 2007

20 week OB Appointment

I had my appointment at the OB yesterday afternoon as a follow up to the scan last week. I think I was in there all of 5 minutes. I wasn't expecting it to be a highly exciting appointment though, considering that everything went so well with the scan last week, there's not really much that had to be said. So far my pregnancy has been going so smoothly so I have no concerns that I needed to bring up with him either.

One thing that did come out of the appointment was he told me that my placenta is positioned at the front of my belly, explaining why I have still not felt any movements. With being nearly 20 weeks and having other people and books telling me I should be feeling the baby move, it was starting to get a bit disheartening that I still hadn't felt anything. Apparently it could still be another month before I really start to feel movements. While it's a bit sad that it will probably be a while before I will get to have that bonding experience, I feel so much better knowing that there is a good reason why it is taking longer for me to feel the baby's movements.

Other than that, it was the usual blood pressure & fetal heart rate check, opportunity for questions and a thanks very much, see you in 4 weeks.

Dec 13, 2007

19 week morphology scan

Finally, the 19 week scan was today!! I have been just so stressed about this scan. Particularly the last week I have been really worried about something being wrong. It's been keeping me up at night and I've been in a panic a few times about what might happen at the scan. I've always gotten really nervous before a scan, but the further along in the pregnancy it is, the more worried I seem to get. Doesn't make any logical sense considering that so far the pregnancy has been very smooth and the further along we get the less risk there is. But I think from an emotional perspective, the further along I get, the harder I think it would be to recover if something went wrong.

But, everything went absolutely perfectly!! Bub is doing so well, in fact is actually now measuring a week ahead of my original EDD. Bub's growth is at 75.5% where 50% is average and 90% is a really big baby so def developing well and looking like it may be a bit of a chubber!! Bub now weighs about 334g and the sonographer guessed the length at around 20cm. Everything else with bub was exactly what they wanted to see, the placenta is sitting beautifully up the top and my cervix is exactly as it should be.

Bub was a bit shy with the 4d face close ups, but we still managed to get some great pics! It is truly amazing what technology can do. I had seen heaps of 4d images before, but it was different again seeing OUR baby in the same sort of detail, just incredible!! They have to mail us out the pics and the report cause of a network problem, but we were able to take the DVD home with us and I've grabbed a couple of images off that. This one is probably my fav:

What a grumpy little pose!! So cute with the hand rubbing the eyes. Here's a couple more that I love:

Like I said, bub didn't really like those face shots, but I'm so happy with the images that we have. It was a fantastic place where we had the scan done too, could not be happier with it. Beautiful rooms, lovely staff, comfy bed with a plasma tv directly ahead of me on the wall to see the baby, hubby had a comfy couch to sit on as well. A bit more expensive for the pleasure, but well worth it. I'd go back there again in a second.

I'm going to make a real effort now to not worry as much about everything and just try to enjoy the rest of my pregnancy. Now that I am nearly half way through, I am just starting to see how quickly it could go by looking back and I'd hate to feel like I missed it because I was worrying too much.

Dec 6, 2007

18 weeks

18 weeks today!! Still waiting for those first movements from bub. I keep trying to concentrate on my belly trying to feel something, but nothing yet. Hopefully won't be too far away. Only one more week until our morphology scan - starting to get nervous already. I'm excited about seeing bub again, but I can't help getting nervous before a scan.

Here's my 18 week belly shot:

and here is the comparison with the 16 week shot:

I think hubby is right with the opinion that my belly hasn't really grown a lot over the past fortnight, but it has changed shape.

The main pregnancy symptom I have been struggling with lately is back pain. I really didn't think that I would experience this so early in the pregnancy, but for the last week especially I am finding that by the end of the day my back is extremely painful. I am making an effort to try to have correct posture when sitting, and I now put a pillow into the small of my back when sitting on the couch which I am finding is helping. I ache a lot after sleeping as well, or what little sleep I get seeing as how this sleep problem is turning out to be an ongoing problem for me.

Good news is that I started my new job today. I asked my workplace for reduced duties so that I can be based in the office rather than on the road on my feet in the heat of summer. I have been placed in a wonderful office, very close to home with a fantastic group of people. I couldn't be happier with the way it worked out. I feel really good about my decision, knowing that the most important thing for me is to put my baby and my body first.

Dec 4, 2007

Maternity clothes - pics

As requested! :)

The red shirt says "Guess? Boy or Girl" and the black shirt says "Caution I Kick" Very cute :)

Dec 3, 2007

Maternity clothes

I finally went and did it on the weekend - I went shopping for maternity clothes. For some strange reason, this job has been something I have been very skitish about. I have no idea why, but I have been putting off even looking at maternity clothes for a while, and was really worried about my first experience in a maternity shop. I even asked my hubby to come with me for moral support.

But it all went really well! I went to a new maternity store in my local shopping centre - they had a great range and the salesperson was just fantastic. She pulled out heaps of clothes for me in my size (my pre-pregnancy size too!), co-ordinating different tops and pants and making sure that the fit was right, testing with a fake belly. The first thing I noticed as I was trying these clothes on was OMG, they are sooooo comfy!!!! They feel like I am wearing trackies!! But you would never know they weren't just like normal clothes cause they have a hidden elastic band inside the waist and they just sit really low at the front under my belly. I ended up with a whole wardrobe of pants, tops & a gorgeous new set of PJ's. I don't know how I am ever going to go back to wearing normal clothes again!

The best thing about getting the maternity clothes is my renewed appreciation of my body. When I have been wearing my pre-pregnancy clothes, it has been very hard not to just feel like I am getting fat in the first half of the pregnancy - as I get bigger, the clothes look less and less flattering. The maternity clothes do the opposite - they highlight my bump and make it look beautiful, and the bigger I get, the better they are going to look! This is the first time that I can really say that I am loving the look of my bump!

Nov 22, 2007

16 weeks

16 weeks today! Only 4 more weeks, then I am halfway through this pregnancy! It's hard to believe how far along I am now, but on the other hand the pain of waiting for this time is still very real. Even in the early stages of the pregnancy, I can still feel each day seeming like 3 days while waiting for the next blood test or scan. Sometimes I still find time dragging while waiting for the next milestone.

Anyway, here is my 16 week belly pic:

and here it is compared to the 14 week shot...

Feels like I am popping out more and more every day. People at work seem to keep a close eye on my belly - it is strange hearing people say how big you are gettting, and even stranger when they make you stand on the side so they can stare at your belly. It's hard not to feel like I am constantly on show.

I caved the other day and bought some new bras - I'm now a whole cup size bigger! I also bought my first maternity outfit - a dress that you can also wear as a skirt. I really need to go shopping for some summer clothes as I'm running out of things to wear. But it's hard at this in-between stage. I'm still too small for maternity outfits, but too big for 'normal' clothes.

Oh and I finally managed to get a pic of the nursery manchester that I bought last week - this is the main pack:

There was also the fleece blanket that I bought seperately, it is green with the same style of embroidery on it. Hopefully our new shed will be up this weekend, then we can look at getting the cot into the nursery and start getting everything together. I finished my 'baby list' the other day and am just tweaking it now with the advice of some very helpful mummies. Seems overwhelming looking at such a big list, but I keep telling myself that we have heaps of time. And hey, if I can pull off a beautiful wedding by myself in 11 months, I can handle baby prep!

Nov 19, 2007

Right now

One thing I have really noticed in this pregnancy, everything has to happen right now. If I need to go to the bathroom, I need to go right now, if I suddenly feel like salt & vinegar chips, I have to have them right now, if I think of something that I need to get done, it needs to be done right now. I was reading a post on a forum today that was talking about what people were eating for lunch. One of the things mentioned was a nutella sandwich. It's been ages since I've had nutella, yet after reading that I thought I could really go some nutella. But the difference was, I needed it right now. Instantly I was off to the shops to get some nutella.

And yes, it tasted every bit as good as I expected!

Nov 16, 2007


I had my first stranger recognise my pregnancy just by looking at my body yesterday. It was the cashier at the shop where I did my grocery shopping last night. After looking at me she asked how far along I was. Pretty gutsy question at this stage of the pregnancy in my opinion. And quite scary to think that I am only 15 weeks and showing that obviously. In my defence, I was wearing a fitted singlet top and it was at night when I always seem to look bigger. But still, it gave me an idea of what to expect from complete strangers who notice my baby bump.

On one hand, it was great - she loaded all my bags neatly into the trolley for me, even stopping to ask where I would like my eggs. But on the other hand, I can see myself getting very frustrated answering the same questions for the next 5-6 months - so far the most common question asked (including from family, friends and acquaintances) is by far - "Do you know if it is a boy or a girl?". Now before I even started thinking about starting a family, I didn't really know that much about pregnancy, but I did know that you have to be about half way through before this is even an option. But the cashier last night (who in her defence, was only about 17) came up with the dumbest question I have heard yet - "Are you excited?" What kind of a response is she expecting for that question???

I'm starting to think that these pregnancy hormones are making me a little irritated...

Nov 13, 2007

First baby purchase

Well, we did it. We have made our first baby purchase! I have been thinking about the theme for the nursery for some time and had decided on teddy bears. They are not too common at the moment, are gorgeous and will last a good few years as they are not too 'baby'. I also figured that they would be pretty readily available in lots of different products. But I have been struggling to find cot linen in a teddy bear theme. The only one I have been able to find is Winnie the Poo, which while nice, is too common for my liking.

While shopping on Monday afternoon, I came across a gorgeous cot set of Paddington Bear. As they were having a 20% off sale I managed to also get it at a great price! In the set was a cot quilt, cot topper, cot flat sheet, cot fitted sheet, cot pillowcase, hooded towel, wash mitt, nappy stacker, waffle bunny rug & a polar fleece blanket. It is a lime green & yellow themed colour so beautiful for either a boy or a girl. One thing that I have discovered while baby shopping is that it is very difficult to find gender neutral products!

I bought another book the other day (no, not another pregnancy book!) - The Choice Guide to Baby Products. A fantastic book which has a great list of baby items to buy categorised into essentials, optionals etc. It also has details on what to look for when buying baby products as well as comparisons of specific brands. We've bought a big shed that is getting put up on the weekend so that we can turn our current 'storage room' into a blank slate which will become our nursery. So the planning is now officially on the way!

Nov 8, 2007

14 weeks

The last few days in particular I have started to notice my belly popping out a bit more so I though I should take another belly pic.

I've also started compiling them all together so that I can see how my body is changing over time...

I've also just noticed my first amount of weight gain - after weighing myself this morning, I have put on around half a kg since the start of my pregnancy. I was a little concerned that I did not put on any weight during my first trimester, but my OB is not concerned and says that my uterus is growing nicely so I'm not too worried about it now.

Nov 6, 2007

Scan Pics

I think I forgot to mention earlier, we ended up getting the pics from the NT scan last week. We have 37 of them, but they are on x-ray films so I have had great difficulty trying to get them onto the PC. After much playing around and some great advice, I have managed to get a couple of them on here...

face side on

the start of a backflip!

I'm so in love already...

Back to the gym

I started back at the gym last night. Our gym has undergone a full on expansion and reno since I was there last and it looks fantastic! I had an appointment set up with my trainer to write me a new program now that I am pregnant, it is very strange to hear a trainer tell you to take it easy! My new program is very easy - 10 minute warm up, light weights, then 10 minutes on the treadmill only. I am to do this twice a week, with an optional 3rd day for just 40 minutes of cardio. Again, only on the treadmill and only walking with optional incline. Every 4 weeks I am to speak to the trainer again so that she can make sure my program matches my fitness and comfort levels as I progress through the pregnancy.

I started off last night with an easy 20 minute walk on the treadmill and felt fantastic. There are so many benefits to keeping fit during pregnancy, I just have to keep remembering to take it easy and pay attention to my body. I really love going to the gym, I've missed it over the last couple of months. I can't wait to go back again!

On another note, I booked in my 19 week morphology scan yesterday - it's on the afternoon of the 13th of December. Seems like so far away, but really it is only just over a month!

Nov 2, 2007

Results & Check Up

I had my appointment with the OB this morning to go over the results of the scan and blood tests. Everything went really well, he was very happy with the progress of bub. My uterus is growing nicely, and everything is progressing beautifully. The only thing he could find was in my blood test results - my immunity to Rubella is only borderline. He suggested that it would still probably be enough to cover me, but I am not completely imune to it. Other than that, all of my results were good.

I had my blood pressure checked which was fine, then I got to hear the baby's heartbeat! For the first time! I have seen the heartbeat a few times now, but this was the first time I was able to hear it. It's funny, even though I am very aware that I am pregnant, I still have an element of surprise when I have any sort of contact with the baby. It's still such a surreal feeling to know that there is a human life growing inside of me. I don't know if I will ever really grasp that concept.

Oct 30, 2007

NT Scan

I had the NT scan this afternoon and everything with bubba was perfect!! Finally I can take a breath. My risk level was 1/17,500 - apparently the same risk level as a 15 year old, the lowest their chart goes!! What a huge relief. Not that I was expecting there to be a problem, but I can't help but worry after all we have been through to get here.

The sonographer was really great and talked us through the whole scan, pointing out all of bub's 'bits'. Heart rate was good at 153bpm and it was actually measuring 3 days ahead at 13w2d! Bub now measures just over 7cm so has more than doubled in size over the last 3 weeks.

No pics yet though, I completely forgot to ask about a pic while we were there we were so overwhelmed by the scan. She took heaps of still photos so hopefully we will get a pic from the OB when I see him about the full details on Friday. I now have all my blood test results to discuss with him as well.

The scan was just the most amazing experience. Sitting in the waiting room was absolute torture with my bladder feeling like it was going to explode, but once I was in there and lying down seeing the bub I forgot all about it. I can't believe how much bub has grown and developed since we last saw it. The most adorable part was seeing bub doing backflips on the screen!!! Absolutely incredible to watch! She got a great shot of the face too, it is just indescribable seeing a healthy moving baby inside me - I still have trouble believing that there is a human life doing backflips in my belly!

Oct 29, 2007


I have lost my ability to cook!! Normally I am quite a good cook. I wouldn't say I was a gormet chef or anything, but I like to cook (well, I like to eat the food I cook!), generally I prefer my cooking to most takeaway and I can usually make most dishes with relative ease. I have even been experimenting and have come up with a few of my very own dishes that I have made up as I went along.

But I now feel as though I have lost any cooking ability I once possesed. The last 2 nights in a row, my attempts to cook dinner have failed miserably. And the meals were not difficult ones. Saturday night was crumbed steak with homemade chips. Very basic and a meal I just love. Had been looking forward to it all day. Somehow I managed to ruin the chips and overcook the steak so much that it tasted like rubber. Oh and all the crumbs were falling off and it took half a roll of paper towel to soak up the excess oil. Last night I attempted roast chicken with roast veges and gravy. The chicken was undercooked and was returned to the oven 3 times. When it was finally cooked, it was stringy and dry from the meat being exposed to the oven. The veges ended up cold and mushy waiting for the chicken and my attempts to reheat the gravy turned it lumpy.

After two nights in a row of tears of frustration while trying to cook a simple meal, I have temporarily resigned from cooking duties. Hubby has offered to take over for at least a few days until I am ready to try again. He is not what I would call a chef, but hopefully with some verbal help from me he will get through it better than me right now. Chicken & mushroom crepes are on for tonight, hopefully we will get through it without the drama of the last couple of nights.

Oct 25, 2007

12 weeks!

Finally, 12 weeks today!! Here is my 12 week belly shot...

And just to compare - this one was taken at 7 weeks...

I can't believe how much my body is changing already! The last week or so I have really started to notice my belly popping out. It is becoming very difficult to hide and especially as the weather is heating up, I am running out of clothes that I can wear that do any kind of job of hiding my belly. I think there are quite a number of people at work that pretty well know now - I was at our head office yesterday where I used to work and I had one person ask me if I had good news to share, another asked me how my family planning was coming along. I have never shared any kind of ttc stuff with them so somehow it seems my pregnancy has leaked. It never ceases to amaze me the power of gossip in a large workplace!

I'm not too bothered though, really I am the only one who can confirm this pregnancy and I will do it when I am good and ready. At this stage I am thinking that I will make the announcement at work on Friday next week - my 12 week scan is on Tuesday, then my appointment with the OB to get the results is on Friday morning. I am due to go to head office on Friday afternoon so I'm thinking I will have the discussion with my manager at that stage, then let all the other staff know and hear all the 'I knew it' comments.

Oct 23, 2007

Sleepless nights

I am starting to really dislike going to bed. I have always been a light sleeper but lately I have been tossing and turning most of the night. Until I wake up at around 2am and find myself completely unable to sleep at all for at least an hour or so. Then by the time 6am comes around (sometimes earlier), I'm up again. I then feel so tired during the day that it's hard to motivate myself to do anything, let alone a full day's work.

So far I've tried going to bed later, going to bed earlier, napping during the day, not napping during the day, hot milk before bed, watching tv before bed, not watching tv before bed, reading, not reading, fan on, fan off, window open, window closed. I've even tried using different pillows! Next on my list to try is a relaxation CD that I don't yet own. If anyone has any ideas, I am more than open to suggestions!!

Oct 18, 2007

A very special holiday

I've always had in my mind that once we fell pregnant I would want to plan a very special holiday - a last romantic getaway for me and hubby. Realising that most likely everything about our relationship will change once this baby arrives, I want one final escape to celebrate the 8 years that hubby and I have been a family of two.

After spending a couple of weeks trying to co-ordinate a trip to a tropical island, we started to come across too many obstacles due to the logistics of holidaying while pregnant. After much discussion, we have finally decided on a weekend destination which is now officially BOOKED!

We will be staying at Palazzo Versace at the Gold Coast for a weekend in January. We have booked a special package that they have especially designed for couples like us. It's called 'What's Kicking' and it includes 2 nights accomodation, buffet breakfast each morning, 2 items from their 'in room cravings' menu, Versace bath towels and a Versace teddy bear for baby. Here is a pic of the resort:

We have also upgraded our room to a superior suite - this is the room type we will be staying in:

I'm looking forward to this holiday so much already. It is the perfect place for our romantic getaway. I have always wanted to stay here for a special occaision and I can't think of one more perfect. The whole weekend will be spent alternating between relaxing in our beautiful suite and spa, lying on the sand by the lagoon sipping cocktails (well, mocktails for me!) and swimming in the blue water of the lagoon. What a perfect weekend!

Oct 15, 2007

Baby's first pic

Firstly, I'm sorry that it has taken so long to get this onto my blog. We had some shocking storms last week and one of them managed to damage my modem so I've had no internet at home to be able to upload this entry. What a time for it to happen!

My OB appointment went really well last week. He was really lovely and his rooms were just beautiful. He took a brief medical history, then it was up onto the bed for a scan to check out bubby. Here's bub's first pic:

Even though I kind of knew what bub would look like at this gestation, it was still a surprise to see it look like a baby instead of a tiny oval blob like the last scan. The best part was as soon as he put the scanner on me, we saw bub wriggling around! It was just so adorable! We could see it's little heart beating as well. The OB was very happy with bub's progress, in fact it was measuring one day ahead at exactly 10 weeks.

I can't stop looking at the pic, I just can't believe it was taken inside my body! I've seen pics like it before, but never ones taken from inside my own body! It truly is a miracle to watch our bub grow from a tiny mass of cells into another human being.

Oct 9, 2007

Another book!

I caved and bought another pregnancy book...

It comes highly recommended by many and looks great! Can't wait to get stuck into it!

Oct 8, 2007

Maternity leave

I've spent the last week going through and considering my options about when to take maternity leave. Weighing up the value of the money earnt by each additional week's work, against the time off to prepare for bub's arrival and to really enjoy the last part of my pregnancy. Looking at our financial situation and the money needed for me to stay at home full time to care for our baby until they are at least 12 months old. Discussions with hubby about his business plans and earnings for that period of time and how he feels about the situation. Taking into consideration the current stress at my workplace and the day to day tasks expected of me and my body.

We have come to a decision that I will finish work at 30 weeks. This may seem early to some, but the more we thought about and discussed it, the more that we realised just how much more valuable the time spent at home will be. We have both worked very hard over the years to be in a good position financially so that we are in a position to be able to do this. I have given up a career and deliberately gone from job to job so that I could focus on our family and the children we have always so desperately wanted.

My current job is causing a great deal of frustration and stress for me at the moment. I don't mind the actual job, the flexibility and money were fantastic for IVF, but there are a lot of obstacles in my way that are extremely frustrating and disheartening. I wasn't planning on doing this job for very long in the hopes of falling pregnant, but I have been here nearly a year and it's starting to wear me down. Plus I am also expected to be out and about visiting clients during the day - after doing this through summer while pregnant, I will need the break.

My last day at work will be the last day of February. My sister is expecting her baby a couple of days earlier, it will be nice to be able to spend a bit of time with my niece or nephew as well as being able to be there to give her a hand if needed. It will give me a chance to finish preparing the house for our baby, cook some meals for the freezer so hubby doesn't starve while I'm in hospital (or overdose on pizza!) and so that I won't need to cook every night when we arrive back home. To enjoy the last quiet time at home before bub's arrival and to allow my body to rest so that my baby has all the energy it needs to continue to grow and develop through the final stages.

I'm excited and confident about our decision and think it is the best thing for our family. The more we prepare and make decisions about our baby, the more this is starting to feel real.

Oct 4, 2007

9 weeks today!

I thought I'd celebrate the 9 week mark with a few of my fav tickers...

Oct 1, 2007

Happy Birthday to Me!

Ok, so I have a lot to catch up on with this blog entry, but how could I resist using my birthday as the title!

Firstly, I am extremely happy to report that all of my close family now know our wonderful secret. Telling the grandparents-to-be went wonderfully, I was so happy with the cake that we ended up with - this is it:

They were very surprised, but obviously very excited to hear about their new grandchild-to-be. My sister came to stay with us for a couple of days over the weekend as well and we got to tell her the news on Friday night. She is only around 10 weeks ahead of me in her pregnancy so she was very excited that we are both expecting so close together. I phoned both my brothers to let them know of the news as they were both interstate. Both were very surprised and happy. We also got to tell my grandparents on Saturday morning. I gave my Grandma a present for her birthday - a silver baby-themed frame. I said nothing after I gave it to her, expecting confusion with the gift, but she picked up on it straight away and was very happy for us, as was my Grandad.

I have really enjoyed sharing our news with everyone over the last couple of days, and I love the fact that they all now know. It felt awful having to hide such wonderful news from them, and putting it out there is helping to make it seem more real. As was seeing my sister at 18 weeks pregnant - I haven't seen her since the very start of her pregnancy, and it was weird to think that in just 10 weeks I may have a similar size preggy belly.

I should also put a note in here about my birthday, seeing as how that is what I've titled this post. It was a lovely day, hubby gave me a gift voucher for a 5 hour treatment with the works! I'm thinking it will be a wonderful way to welcome the second trimester! My parents bought me the CSIRO Total Wellbeing Diet book - will be fantastic to help me eat healthy throughout pregnancy, as well as lose some of that leftover IVF fat. Will be great for post-pregnancy as well. They also got me two baby-themed charms for my charm bracelet that I have been building up ever since my 18th birthday! They will be a wonderful addition!

We all went out with my Grandma for lunch which was really nice, but we could only manage a small serving of Thai for dinner after eating such a big meal. Mum and Dad had even organised a birthday cake, complete with candles and a 'happy birthday' song. All in all, a lovely day.

Normally I am wanting to plan out very special things to do on my birthday, but this year I really wasn't all that concerned. It didn't worry me what we did I would have enjoyed my day. I got what I could have only dreamed of for my birthday. It's amazing how much this little miracle is already putting things into perspective.

Sep 24, 2007

Plan in motion

The plan is now well and truly in motion - how to tell my parents that we are expecting. They are going to be visiting from interstate this Thursday so we will be telling them that night. We have arranged that hubby will pick them up from the airport on Thursday night so that I can have dinner ready shortly after they arrive. This will allow a bit of a settling in period so that we are not tempted to share our news straight away.

For dessert, we have arranged a special cake to be made by our fantastic local bakery. It will be baby-themed and have the words 'Congratulations Grandma & Grandad' written on it. I'm hoping that this will be a memorable way to surprise the grandparents-to-be. Sure to make for some wonderful after dinner chatter!

We have also decided that we will tell my grandparents this weekend - it is my Grandmother's birthday on Saturday (the same day as mine) so we will be visiting, and it won't feel right to have to keep it from them. The plan is to give my Grandma a very special birthday present - a baby frame with a note saying 'Watch this space - photo to come in May' or something similar. Will have to organise this over the next couple of days.

I'm getting so excited at the prospect of being able to tell my family about our pregnancy. I can't wait until after the 12 week mark when we can share our news with the world. In a way, it is nice that hubby and I have such a wonderful secret together. But I'm at a point now where I want to scream out to everyone I meet and it is hard to speak to friends and family and not be able to share such exciting news with them.

Sep 20, 2007

7 weeks today

7 weeks today and it is starting to set in a bit more. I was in the car driving to work yesterday morning, thinking about the way I am going to surprise my parents with the news when they visit in a week's time. Daydreaming about sharing such wonderful news, re-living the experience of seeing our little one on the screen for the first time, seeing it's little heart beating, I ended up with tears rolling down my face. Talk about emotional! It was like the initial shock of the scan had worn off and allowed those tears that had been welling up since then to fall.

This morning I have taken my very first belly pic! I thought that this could serve as a starting point. I still feel bloated from all the IVF meds - it seems to get worse over the day with eating and drinking. So I cheated and took this one first thing in the morning :)

I've started to feel a little queasy first thing in the morning. It usually only lasts a couple of hours and it's not like full on nausea, just an 'off' feeling. I'm starting to have to get up in the middle of the night every night to go to the bathroom as well. I seem to be really thirsty all the time, I'm drinking 3L + a day and I still feel thirsty. I'm trying to not drink so much at night to stop myself having to get up in the middle of the night but I usually still end up needing to drink at least a glass before bed. Other than that, I still feel tired pretty much all day. It's very hard to resist the midday naps.

Sep 18, 2007

Scan results

The scan results are in...

One beautiful healthy bub!!!!!

I am amazed, I have spent the last two weeks preparing for the news of twins. Although I was prepared for the outcome of twins and would have been happy with that result, I was still struggling with how I would cope with a twin pregnancy as well as everything that comes along with twins. All along I had been hoping for a singleton. For so many obvious reasons including that it's so much less risk both for me and the baby. So I am just over the moon with this result.

Bub is measuring 6w5d and has a perfect heatbeat as well as a nice looking yolk sack. My FS has brought my EDD back to the 8th of May (when I originally thought it would be) - turns out that the clinic's method of working out EDD is not really an accurate one. So bub is measuring spot on for dates.

I just can't describe how I'm feeling now and how amazing it was to see our little one on the screen. Even though at this stage bub just looks like a little blob, we could see it's little heart beating strongly. After so many scans of seeing an empty uterus, the feeling when I first saw that little blob is indescribable. There are no words that explain just how over the moon I am right now, the joy brings tears to my eyes.

Sep 17, 2007

An Update

Wow, it has been way too long since I have updated my blog. I've been trying to distance myself somewhat while passing the time away until my scan. I think not wanting to obsess about little things has kept me away a bit. Back into it now though :)

I have now bought my first pregnancy book:

A fantastic book that just has everything! Reading it is really helping to make it more real for me. It's still incredible to think that I will actually be experiencing all these things though. I guess it's going to be hard to truly believe until after I have more physical evidence in the form of a bulging belly.

One more day to get through until the scan. I'm feeling ok about it at this stage, but if I let myself focus on it too much I feel so much more than ok - excited, nervous, scared, anxious among other things. I'm so glad that I have been able to get a later appointment so that hubby will be able to come with me. Hopefully he will be able to keep it together better than I am predicting that I will.

I've been feeling so tired the last couple of days - even on the weekend I have been napping during the day and my whole body just feels really drained, like I have no energy. Going by the clinic's EDD, I am 6w2d today - maybe this is my first symptom? I've been wondering how I am going to get through the next month or so at work if I continue to be this tired - I'm guessing there will have to be a few long lunches to include some naps.

Sep 7, 2007

Updated hcg level

I had my second blood test yesterday just to make sure that the levels were going up as they should. This is what the result was:

HCG @ 21DPO = 3983

So more than doubled which the clinic was really happy with. I think with these levels there is a pretty good chance that I may have more than one in there! Obviously we were prepared for this by transferring two embryos, but it's still a scary concept at this stage. We won't find out until the first scan, but with levels as high as we have had it seems like there is a high possibility.

I got my 'pregnancy pack' in the mail from the clinic yesterday afternoon as well - they have put my EDD at 10th May 2008. I can't seem to work out how they got to that date, but hopefully I will find out more at my first scan. I realise that the due date really doesn't matter cause at the end of the day, it will happen when it happens. But it would be nice to know how far along I am - I am already starting to read up on various pregnancy calanders to see what is happening inside my body at the moment. I think IVF has made the whole baby making process a lot more fasinating to me and I love reading about what is happening and how things develop.

Sep 6, 2007

Recapping the day that was

I thought now that the initial shock has worn off, I should go into a little more detail about our memorable day yesterday.

So, after we had the hcg level confirmed yesterday morning, I ended up taking the rest of the day off work to celebrate. Hubby and I met up and went out for a lovely lunch together where we were both able to talk about the amazing feelings we were having about the next step of our journey. It was just a nice way to spend some time as a couple to allow the news to settle in.

I had also arranged a small surprise for hubby which I gave to him at lunchtime - a book called 'So you are Going to be a Dad'. I put in inside a beautiful baby-themed gift box and wrote a note inside the book to remember the occaision. I may not have been able to have a nice surprise for him to tell him that I was pregnant, but at least I was able to give him something memorable to mark the special day.

I booked in my first scan with my fertility specialist today too. It is booked in for the 18th of September, so not too long to wait. I was so glad that I was able to get an afternoon appointment so that hubby could come along, I can't imagine him not being there for that.

The other very exciting thing I did today was book in with my new OB! I already knew which hospital I wanted to go to - I've known that for years. I'd spent the last few days researching the list of OB's at this particular hospital and chose one that I think that both hubby and I will relate to the best. A lot of people seem to have recommended him and his medical style seems perfect for us. My first appointment with him is on the 10th of October - I only had the one option for an appointment so it was lucky that I phoned this early to book in! I can't believe how quickly they book out!

All of this stuff today really helped make it all that more real. I am starting to accept it, but it still just all feels so surreal. But for now, I'm just going to enjoy the ride.

Sep 5, 2007



The clinic finally managed to find my blood test results. Apparently they had spelt my name wrong so when they were searching for them under the correct spelling they weren't there. Results were:

HCG @ 19DPO = 1769!!!!!

What a huge level! Higher than the betabase average at 19DPO for multiples!!

I'm having another blood test tomorrow just to make sure that the levels are doubling as they should, but they are not too concerned with my level being so high.

I am just in shock, such a surreal feeling! I know that I had the postive pregnancy tests, but it really feels like I am finding out for the first time that I am pregnant. Finally I can say those words and actually believe them!! I can finally start to really enjoy this wonderful ride that I am on!!

Stupid Pathology

I can't believe they managed to stuff up my blood test! All day I waited yesterday, checking my phone every 5 minutes waiting for the clinic's call. Finally I phoned them at around 3:20pm and they still hadn't received my results. They followed it up, and it turns out that the main head office pathology place hadn't even received it yet! I had it done at 7:30am - I even got up at 5:30am to make sure that I was at the pathology place before it opened at 7am!

So now I don't even know if they still have my sample. One of the nurses was going to try to chase it up, but they all finish work at 4:30pm so she is calling me at some stage this morning. If she has not phoned me by 9am I will be on the phone chasing her up!

I feel like I am in limbo right now. I know that it's pretty hard to deny the strong positives I have been getting. I did another one on Monday morning and this is what I got:

But I just can't bring myself to accept it until I hear the hcg levels from the clinic. I know plenty of people do, and hubby doesn't seem to have had a problem with it. But for some reason, I need that blood test result.

Sep 1, 2007

A Confession

Ok, I have a confession to make. I wasn't sure that I wanted to reveal this just yet, I'm nervous even just typing this. But I decided that since this is a blog that is meant to be a record of my IVF journey, I need to do this. After all, this is a major part of my journey.
On Thursday morning, at 14DPO, I caved and did a HPT - this is what I got:

I was totally shocked, I mean *hand automatically covering mouth while gasping* shocked. I expected that by now the last of the hCG from the Pregnyl would be out of my body - it had been 9 days and I'd read that you only really needed to wait 7 days. So I had fully expected to see yet another single line. I hadn't even told hubby that I was doing the test. Trying to prepare myself for a negative, I thought it would be easier if I was by myself to deal with it, before having to tell him. Of course once I got this result, I didn't want to tell him over the phone since he had already left for work hours earlier, but he is also the type to get his hopes up and go completely overboard, so I was worried about getting him excited if this wasn't the real deal. I guess I still figured there was a chance that there could still be some of that hCG left in my system after all. But I ended up telling him that night, at the same time cautioning him against getting too excited too soon, explaining the possiblity of the Pregnyl injections & false positives.

I decided I would do my next test on Saturday morning - that would give it 2 days - plenty of time for either the leftover hCG to fade, or the building hCG to increase. I tried my best to forget about the other test in the meantime (even though it was hard not to keep looking at the bloody thing!) and put it down to leftover hCG. But I figured that at least I would have something to compare it to on Saturday morning.

After a very restless night, and giving up trying to sleep just after 5am, this is what I got:

Holy crap! The line was so much darker! This time, hubby knew that I was doing the test and had woken up as soon as I got out of bed. I showed him the test straight away, comparing it to the last one with a shocked look on my face. I just couldn't believe it! Even he was having trouble believing that these tests could be telling us that it had finally happened. So I did the obvious - I did another HPT, this time one that was less sensitive:

Wow. Even now I am speechless and still can't believe that this could all be happening. I never thought that I would ever see those magic two lines! I keep looking at them over and over again, still in disbelief.
The second test was all hubby needed to be convinced, but I really don't think that I will be until the blood test on Tuesday. I'm just so scared to let myself believe that we are moving on in our journey. After we have been through so much to get here, I really can't allow myself to believe that this could be real. I will be holding my breath until I get that phone call on Tuesday...

Aug 28, 2007


I can't believe how bloated I am this time around - I've never seen anything like it. Well, maybe after my first EPU, but it was only this bad for a few days, maybe a week. And that was a case of mild OHSS, whereas this seems to be just plain old bloating. And it's not getting any better! I look like I am at least 3 months pregnant! It's becoming really difficult to find anything to wear to work cause half my pants don't fit me and I don't really have a lot of clothes that 'cover' a bloated stomach. Just trying to do my best with baggy tops and oversized bags to try to cover up!

I mentioned it to my acupuncturist when I was there yesterday but he was happy about it! Reckons that at least I know that the meds are working! Yeah, that's great, but couldn't they have picked another side effect - at least with headaches or something I could have taken some panadol!

Other than that, the emotional side of things has calmed down a bit thankfully. Obviously still not me, but not the sobbing mess I was last week so I'm going to be happy with that.

I am doing my best not to think about the impending test result, but couldn't resist playing around with a ticker...

Aug 24, 2007

Pregnyl + Crinone = Tears

I really don't think I have ever been this emotional. Yesterday I must have been in tears at least 6 times - all over really stupid things. One of them being missing my exit on the highway. And it wasn't even that much out of the way to take the next exit! I just can't believe how much these meds are messing with my head right now. Normally yeah I might get a tad emotional at times, but with this new cocktail of drugs I am like a blubbering mess!

My poor hubby has his work cut out for him trying to support me right now. The last day or so he has done such a great job looking after me, it is just so wonderful to have someone to lean on when I feel so out of control.

I'm hoping now that the pregnyl injections are over with I can soon go back to just being mildly & occaisionally emotional rather than being 'wound up like a spring' as my hubby says.

Aug 22, 2007 I am

Well, I made it through transfer - I now have two 'perfect quality' blastocycsts on board. The embryologist was very happy with the progress of our embies - they actually already had some cells that were hatching in preparation for implantation. Here they are:

I know that it's fantastic that we can produce such good quality embryos, but I really don't know how much that means for our chances of conception. I mean, we have always had super quality embryos but none of them have stuck yet so it's starting to seem like it really doesn't matter what quality they are. I am still very grateful that we are able to get such a great result during the first part of the cycle, but the more cycles we do, the more I doubt the end result.

Anyway, the actual procedure went well, a little more uncomfortable than the last time but no problem. Hubby ended up just making it to the hospital in time to be with me for it. I was really glad to have him there - at this stage, half of the embryos are him so it just wouldn't have felt right being there without him.

Now I just have to get through the 2WW...

Aug 17, 2007

Some good news

I had EPU yesterday morning and all went well. I still get nervous before pick ups, I think it's just the GA that I really don't like. Something that can make you change from being alert one millisecond, to completely out of it in another millisecond scares the crap out of me. But it all went well - I ended up having the same anaethetist that I had for my first cycle so I knew he was good, plus the relief FS came and introduced herself to me before I went in and she was lovely. She seemed to have done a great job too cause I wasn't in any pain when I woke up and hardly any spotting even. Huge improvement on last time.

I was very surprised to be told that they collected 15 eggs when I was only expecting around 10! They ended up putting me on a drip of fluids for a while just in case cause of the big pick up result. The FS actually came and saw me when I was first waking up from the anaesthetic so I didn't actually know if I was dreaming or not. I think she could tell that I was really out of it cause she came back later and asked if I remembered seeing her! She warned me that even though I got 15 eggs picked up, that she thought there would be a few immature ones in there and to not be too surprised if I only ended up with about 6 mature eggs.

Anyway, I got the phone call this morning to say that out of the 15 eggs - 13 of them were mature enough to ICSI! And out of them, 11 of them have fertilised!! I was so surprised to hear those results after expecting to only have around 4-6 eggs fertilise. So I'm now feeling much better about the possibility of getting a couple of good blastocysts to transfer on Tuesday. On my last cycle, I ended up with 5 fertilised eggs on day 1, they all made it to blast stage, I transfered two really good ones, but the others were not good enough quality to freeze. So I'm feeling pretty good about starting with 11 this time. Hopefully the quality is still there though after a bigger pick up.

I also had my first appointment with my new acupuncturist and wow, I just love him!! I was happy with my other acupuncturist, but I couldn't handle driving to the city so often to see her so I found a guy much closer to home. I am just so thrilled with him - he made me feel really comfortable from the moment we walked in, explained everything he was doing and why in very simple to understand terminology and I barely even felt any of the needles! He is currently studying his masters degree specifically in fertility/IVF and acupuncture so is very good at what he does. I walked out of there feeling absolutely fantastic, more alert but relaxed at the same time. I would not have thought that I had just been through a pick up. And today I feel great - better than I have after any of my other pick ups! I just can't believe what a difference it has made! I actually still have 3 needles in me now - very tiny ones. Two in my leg and one in my ear! They just look like tiny little patches of tape, he has asked me to leave them on for 3 days before removing them. If all goes well and transfer goes ahead, I will be seeing him before and after that as well.

Must now go and keep packing for the weekend - hubby and I are off on our romatic weekend escape that I booked a couple of months ago. It's been a bit hard logistically cause of when my pick up was so probably not the best timing, but I guess it will help as a distraction during the next few days while I wait to see how our embies are doing. I've been wanting to go to this place for years so I'm very excited that we have finally got around to going there :)

Aug 14, 2007

Here we go again

Yep, that's right, it's that time again - EPU time. I hate this part of my cycle. I find pick up & the wait between then and transfer the worst part of the cycle. Even harder than the 2WW - especially since we are trying to get to blastocyst stage again. Those 5 days seem to go on forever.

So, the follie scan today revealed approx 10 follicles around 15-20mm in size. My lining is at around 8mm - I think on my previous cycles it's been around 9mm, but I'm not sure. I'm going in for pick up on Thursday - just waiting on the phone call to find out the exact time. Then we will be aiming for transfer on Tuesday next week. I'll also be getting acupuncture on the day of pick up and again on the day of transfer - a new place though this time. Somewhere much closer to home (away from the big bad city) and somewhere that comes recommended courtesy of a fellow EBer.

While this cycle is going much quicker than my previous cycles, I am starting to find it difficult with seeing different doctors. With my usual FS off recovering from a heart attack, I've seen a new FS for the past two scans, but she is not able to do my pick up on Thursday so I will be seeing yet another FS for that! I'm trying not to let it get to me as it is a great clinic and I do trust that they have good doctors, but I'm just used to putting my faith in a FS so that I can let go of the control a bit. It's hard to do that when I don't have a repport going with the other doctors. Still, it's better than having my cycle cancelled until my usual FS recovers.

One thing that is different this time is that this new temporary FS is putting me on Pregnyl injections during my LP on top of the 2 x Crinone's a day. I've had the Pregnyl trigger before (ouch! Thank god for Ovidrel!), but I've never had it as LP support before. I guess it can't hurt and it's probably good to try something a little different.

Aug 13, 2007

Admitting defeat

I have been battling with the Synarel & Puregon for the last week & a half, but I think it is fair to say that they have finally beat me. I thought I'd give 'mind over matter' a go against the emotional side effects of the meds this time, at least to try to fight off the side effects for as long as I can. But over the weekend, I think the meds finally won out.

I was doing ok up until Saturday night. We had a couple of people over for drinks and one of them doesn't know anything about us ttc. So 7pm comes along, I grab my Synarel & Puregon and head for our ensuite. Now normally I give my injection on the very large kitchen benchtop so I have room to spread everything out. So it was dodgy to start with trying to find room on my small ensuite sinktop with bathroom crap everywhere. Then I go to give the injection, and the needle hurts - I don't know whether it's a dodgy needle or if I was doing it wrong, but you would think by now I would be an expert at this. Then, I get about 2 clicks down and bam - cartridge empty. So now I have to change the cartridge and start all over again! Doesn't sound that bad, but I ended up walking out of the bathroom with 2 needle marks in my tummy, one of which was bleeding, and the delightful taste of Synarel running down the back of my throat. To then have to try to be friendly and social with everyone while they drank the night away completely clueless was just too much.

For the rest of the weekend I couldn't shake the feelings of sadness, irritation, de-motivation, annoyance - all the lovely side effects that the meds have given me on past cycles. When I showered last night and ran out of hot water with soap all over me and conditioner still in my hair, with no choice but to continue to run ice cold water to rince it all off, I lost it. I barely managed to get out of the shower before I broke down crying. All from a little cold water. So you know what S & win. This round is yours. I will now resort to counting down the days until I can once again dramatically dispose of your remains.

Aug 11, 2007

My first post!

Wow, I have finally got around to setting up my blog! I have named this blog Butterfly Dreams to symbolise my dream of one day having a miracle baby of my own to love.

A very quick history on me - I am 26, my husband is 27. We met when we were just 17 and were friends until we officially became a couple at 19. We bought our first home at 21, and finally got married last year in March at 25! We have been trying for our first miracle baby for around 14 months so far. We started on the IVF journey due to MF in March this year, and we are now on our 3rd IVF/ICSI cycle.

Like everyone else, never did I expect that we would be put on this journey. Having a family is, and always has been, my whole life. We both found it hard to put off starting a family for so long, but we wanted the best for our future children so we took the time to set ourselves up financially, and get our lifestyle to the place we wanted it to be for children to be added to our family. To then be placed on this journey has been heart-breaking for us to say the least. There are just so many people out there who will never know of the struggles that I face every single day. But there are those who do, and while my heart breaks for them, these are the people who have been such an incredible strength for me during this journey. If you are reading, you know who you are, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Anyway, now that I've gotten the heavy stuff out of the way - welcome to my blog! :)