A Confession

Ok, I have a confession to make. I wasn't sure that I wanted to reveal this just yet, I'm nervous even just typing this. But I decided that since this is a blog that is meant to be a record of my IVF journey, I need to do this. After all, this is a major part of my journey.

On Thursday morning, at 14DPO, I caved and did a HPT - this is what I got:

I was totally shocked, I mean *hand automatically covering mouth while gasping* shocked. I expected that by now the last of the hCG from the Pregnyl would be out of my body - it had been 9 days and I'd read that you only really needed to wait 7 days. So I had fully expected to see yet another single line. I hadn't even told hubby that I was doing the test. Trying to prepare myself for a negative, I thought it would be easier if I was by myself to deal with it, before having to tell him. Of course once I got this result, I didn't want to tell him over the phone since he had already left for work hours earlier, but he is also the type to get his hopes up and go completely overboard, so I was worried about getting him excited if this wasn't the real deal. I guess I still figured there was a chance that there could still be some of that hCG left in my system after all. But I ended up telling him that night, at the same time cautioning him against getting too excited too soon, explaining the possiblity of the Pregnyl injections & false positives.

I decided I would do my next test on Saturday morning - that would give it 2 days - plenty of time for either the leftover hCG to fade, or the building hCG to increase. I tried my best to forget about the other test in the meantime (even though it was hard not to keep looking at the bloody thing!) and put it down to leftover hCG. But I figured that at least I would have something to compare it to on Saturday morning.

After a very restless night, and giving up trying to sleep just after 5am, this is what I got:

Holy crap! The line was so much darker! This time, hubby knew that I was doing the test and had woken up as soon as I got out of bed. I showed him the test straight away, comparing it to the last one with a shocked look on my face. I just couldn't believe it! Even he was having trouble believing that these tests could be telling us that it had finally happened. So I did the obvious - I did another HPT, this time one that was less sensitive:

Wow. Even now I am speechless and still can't believe that this could all be happening. I never thought that I would ever see those magic two lines! I keep looking at them over and over again, still in disbelief.

The second test was all hubby needed to be convinced, but I really don't think that I will be until the blood test on Tuesday. I'm just so scared to let myself believe that we are moving on in our journey. After we have been through so much to get here, I really can't allow myself to believe that this could be real. I will be holding my breath until I get that phone call on Tuesday...