Admitting defeat

I have been battling with the Synarel & Puregon for the last week & a half, but I think it is fair to say that they have finally beat me. I thought I'd give 'mind over matter' a go against the emotional side effects of the meds this time, at least to try to fight off the side effects for as long as I can. But over the weekend, I think the meds finally won out.

I was doing ok up until Saturday night. We had a couple of people over for drinks and one of them doesn't know anything about us ttc. So 7pm comes along, I grab my Synarel & Puregon and head for our ensuite. Now normally I give my injection on the very large kitchen benchtop so I have room to spread everything out. So it was dodgy to start with trying to find room on my small ensuite sinktop with bathroom crap everywhere. Then I go to give the injection, and the needle hurts - I don't know whether it's a dodgy needle or if I was doing it wrong, but you would think by now I would be an expert at this. Then, I get about 2 clicks down and bam - cartridge empty. So now I have to change the cartridge and start all over again! Doesn't sound that bad, but I ended up walking out of the bathroom with 2 needle marks in my tummy, one of which was bleeding, and the delightful taste of Synarel running down the back of my throat. To then have to try to be friendly and social with everyone while they drank the night away completely clueless was just too much.

For the rest of the weekend I couldn't shake the feelings of sadness, irritation, de-motivation, annoyance - all the lovely side effects that the meds have given me on past cycles. When I showered last night and ran out of hot water with soap all over me and conditioner still in my hair, with no choice but to continue to run ice cold water to rince it all off, I lost it. I barely managed to get out of the shower before I broke down crying. All from a little cold water. So you know what S & P...you win. This round is yours. I will now resort to counting down the days until I can once again dramatically dispose of your remains.